The Chronicles of Dave

AirAsia like it cold up in the air. Seriously cold. A young Swedish girl sitting near me had prepared herself for this and was already in her sleeping bag on take-off. She also kept herself busy by making flowers from napkins – a skill she learnt in chemistry class after falling asleep one too many times and the teacher's aid decided it would help her stay awake. I wish I went to school in Sweden.
In any case, if a Swede finds it cold, you know it can't be right.

The plane itself was fine. Mostly. I ended up sitting next to a window with a chap from Bournemouth to my left called Mike. Fairly early we spotted that our arm rest controls didn't work, and when mentioning this to a passing steward got told with a laugh “Ahh! this in an infamous plane for AirAsia staff, the wiring is funny in some seats.” - Later, when stuggling to stay asleep, my reading light suddenly came on. The controls for my light was on the seat in front.
Still, my choice to swap seats was ultimately a good one. The man from Bournemouth was returning to Phuket, his home of 4 years, where he teaches English to Thai kids by day, and by night trawled Thailand for new prostitutes. The last fact I didn't learn until much later, but should have worked out from his statement “when I go out, I want a steak, but I don't want to buy the whole cow.”
Before he had felt the need to discuss Thai prostitutes with me, he and I amused ourselves by picking on the girl across the aisle from us, the aforementioned Swedish chick. Annoyingly, she was pretty, funny, a little wild, and seriously interesting – if she wasn't off to Bali I would've added her to my stalkee list. Also, she taught me that I need to have a more interesting reason for going travelling than “because I feel like it.”
Emma (I'll call her that, because that's her name), as bubbly as she was, couldn't hide a little sadness when she spoke about her destination. She was due to travel with a friend, but he'd died 3 weeks before. Regardless of this, she wanted to go on her own, because, in that clichéd but honest way, she wanted to do it for him. And she managed to tell me the details of all of this in an upbeat way that I couldn't possibly attempt to reproduce here.
Mike's conversations started off innocently enough, but the headphones went in when the stories of having one prostitute on the back of his bike, then spotting one he preferred and ditching the first, before swapping the 2nd for the 3rd he'd made his mind up on. Still, his logic was sound. For him, in any case.

One final thing – AirAsia have little portable entertainment units that you have to rent for the flight. Handily, in the back of the seat in front, where the screen would be on some other flights, they've installed a cushioned. Great if you want to sleep leaning forward on your face.

Halifax are a pain in the arse. I thought I was being smart by calling up to advise the bank I'd be using my account abroad. Phone banking security is not the most fun ever. Like most normal people, I cannot remember the exact details of the last transaction on my account. My punishment was to have phone banking blocked and I had to go into the nearest branch to get it all sorted out.
To be fair, it all got done and after meeting my sister (Chichester), my ex-missus (Guildford), which was all after leaving with my mum (Bracklesham), we made it to Stansted only 30 minutes later than planned.
One sit down with the family and a shrink-wrapped rucksack later, I waited for an age to get my ticket and seat allocation (seat allocation which I'd later exchange with one half of an Italian couple so that they wouldn't be separated – my one good deed so far).

I have arrived.

Thank you.

That is all.

A normal, sensible reaction would be to wonder whether sleeping with them was a good idea. In this case, I thanked her and we started discussing money.

Wait, that still sounds wrong.

Today I learnt that in Cambodia and Vietnam there are a few interesting diseases to be protected against. I knew there'd be some to worry about, but I didn't think there'd be enough that I'd be offered a total of 8 injections. The parody band Amateur Transplants do a song where they sing a list of medications to the tune of “The Major General's Song” from Pirates of Penzance. That's what I thought of as the friendly travel nurse went through the list.
Hepatitis A & Typhoid & Tetanus & Polio & Diphtheria & Rabies (3 injections) & Hepatitis B (2 injections) & Japanese Encephalitis & Malaria.
Malaria is the only one that doesn't require a needle.

Needles, I mean really, it's about time we had some kind of sci-fi style delivery system for this kind of thing. Or a cure-all pill. But something without needles. I have three major fears, and number one is needles. Consciously I'm aware that injections don't hurt, I'm in no danger, and that shaking like a lost puppy is a ridiculous response. As I've mentioned, to cover all of the
Today I have had two injections, one was for Polio, Tetanus and Diphtheria, the second for Hepatitis A & Typhoid. For injection number one, I was indeed shaking like a lost puppy before the needle was even visible. I asked the travel nurse to go ahead and do it, like ripping off a plaster, or prison rape – just get it over with. Unlike ripping off a plaster or prison shower moments, it was quick and it was painless.
As for the Hep A & Typhoid, it felt like I'd been punched in the arm and has been weird and uncomfortable for a few hours.
That's the free ones out of the way. Now I have to decide if I want to spend 100's getting the final three vaccinations....

In any case, here I am still updating a travel blog and I've not even left yet.

I'd like to finish with a song, music by Arthur Sullivan.

I am the very model of a modern drunken wanderer,
In matters fiduciary I am really quite the squanderer,
I'm flying off shortly to places like Malaysia,
But I have to be prepared for things in South East Asia,
Like, Tetanus and typhoid, hepatitis A, diphtheria,
Vaccination against polio and pills for malaria,
There's Encephalitis that is named for people Japanese,
And if I've got the money get injected with some rabies.

I told a nice girl I met today that £300 would get me a small child and a moped in Cambodia. And that I'd need the child to drive me around on the moped since I've never ridden one.
To be fair, I'm sure it wasn't something she expected to hear, since she had stopped me in the street to pimp out a charity that helps kids in countries like Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. In my defence she did find it funny and it distracted her long enough for her to forget what she was selling outside Waterloo. We had a nice chat about travelling, and more importantly she stated I looked far younger than my age and that I must be like Dorian Gray.
Which was nice.

This October 14th, I'll be flying from London Stansted airport to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, where I plan to enjoy a nice hotel for a few days and my last spell of luxury before I head to Siem Reap, Cambodia, and start my hostel experience. From there I will be heading to Phnom Penh, with a stop or two en route.

The whole “planning a trip” like this is remarkably stressful. As I write this, my room doesn't look remotely like I'm going anywhere, yet my lease is up on the 30th September. I have so much to sell, pack or burn before I go, and as is my nature, it will all get done the week before I move out. Like my flights, which until yesterday consisted of just one. Now at least I know when I arrive in Cambodia, and when I leave Vietnam.... Kind of.
Still, that's half the fun surely?

From Phnom Penh I hope to travel by slow boat to Vietnam, though the name of the exact location escapes me (you know, I'm sure if I worked hard enough I could make a joke out of that). Once I've made it into Vietnam, I'll be working my way north from Ho Chi Minh City.

The questions I get asked most when I tell people I'm off travelling, are “when?” and “where?”, followed by “who with?” and most worryingly, “why?”. The first two are easy to answer, even if “where” only stretches to Vietnam so far. My answer to the third is usually met with a quizzical stare – I'm going on my own.
As for the “why”, I can only say it's because I can. I have the money for the first time in a decade, and I've been fighting a compulsion to do a disappearing act for about as long. Still, saying it's because I can doesn't quite seem right. I can go outside naked. But I don't do it. Not that often anyway. Well, more than I should. Actually that's probably not the best analogy.
My point is, I'm not 100% certain on the “why” other than it's something I want to do.
Disappointingly, I've not yet been asked “how?”, but then, since I'm not Philleas Fogg, people can safely assume I'll be flying. In an actual plane.

With any luck on my journey from HCMC I'll reach Hoi An in time for the full moon which I'm told is an awesome time. It's not as famous as the full moon party in Koh Phanang, but still looks great. After that it'll be more travelling, and eventually get to Hanoi for mid-November.

At the time I resigned from work, my plan was simply to get to Perth next month, then find my way to Sydney for New Years eve. Over the past couple of weeks it's evolved to the point that some of my friends are not convinced I'll make it as far as Australia. Some are not convinced I'll make it past Vietnam without some kind of incident. But those friends are idiots, which I remind them of often. Can't work out why they'd be so mean.

So it's Malaysia, Cambodia and Vietnam for starters, and if I'm not too broke or broken, on somewhere else. By that point I may have something substantial to write.